When I was preparing for living in Haiti and working at Middle Ground, I knew that I would face some difficulties. However, I did not expect that we would watch so many babies join Jesus in such a short period of time. The past few weeks have been, for lack of a better word, difficult. In addition, I am finding it incredibly painful to find the words to describe what I have been experiencing.

We have not lost babies due to something that we could have done, but because these suffering children did not make it to us in time. I think that this is the hardest part for me. It is incredibly frustrating that so many different obstacles are against malnourished babies receiving the care they need.

Lack of knowledge of the signs of malnutrition is possibly the biggest factor, along with sheer lack of resources. It is beyond heartbreaking to hear that a parent who would give the world for their child is not able to save them from hunger. Not because they do not care, or don’t try hard enough, but because they did not know. Or even worse, they just don’t have the resources in order to protect their child from unimaginable pain.

Hearing the shrilling cry of a mourning mother will forever be the worst sound I have ever heard. It is a sound that rings in your ears long after it is gone.

There are many different ways that people process all of these experiences and emotions. My first emotion was sadness and confusion. I have also learned that I need to work hard to not jump to anger at the injustice that is such innocent souls losing the fight to malnutrition.

The one and only way to soothe these thoughts is to remember the truth given to us by Jesus Christ. No matter how much pain and agony these babies felt, they are now wrapped in the calm, loving embrace of our Father’s arms.

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

Last week was absolutely incredible. My mom surprised me by showing up in Haiti the day before my birthday. I had an amazing time showing her every little thing I adore about this beautiful country and the inspiring people who live here. Not only did her appearance shock me, but it also made me realize how much I miss everyone at home.

I am more content in Haiti than I can begin to explain. However, I go through a lot of emotions that are difficult to process. I have met 3 tiny babies who are now in Jesus’ arms. I have also seen many cases of babies who were once starving, but are now chunky bundles of joy. It is beyond heartbreaking to see babies sick with hunger, but even more so, it is encouraging to watch them fight their way to health. I am learning how to process all of these emotions in the best way I can, and I believe I have grown while doing so. Even with every difficult emotion I face, I have not once felt regret for my decision of coming to Haiti.

I was interested in the events of my college Homecoming, but I was okay not being there. I do miss the hugs I received every time I went home to my family or when I walked around Concordia and saw all of my amazing friends. However, I have not sat awake at night and wondered what I am missing. Even with missing my loved ones, I have never felt more at home.

I absolutely love working at Middle Ground and being able to cuddle and play with babies any time I feel stressed. I mean who wouldn’t love being able to do their work with a little buddy like this? There is absolutely nothing better.

Walking into a room and hearing the happy squeal of energetic kiddos has quickly become my favorite sound and I would not trade it for the world. Nothing compares to being a part of an incredible team of women who are doing everything in their power to fight malnutrition. I have learned SO MUCH.

Thinking about the fact that I am already half way through my stay in Haiti brings up a lot of complex feelings. I feel as though I will miss these babies and the people I have met at the center as much as if I had known them my entire life, and not just a few months. I already understood the feeling of having two homes, one in North Carolina and one in Minnesota. But I never thought that I would feel as though I have a third home in a country so far away.

Emotions are confusing and hard and I barely understand myself while writing this! But I do know that I want to say thank you to everyone who has been following and been a part of this journey with me.

As you know, the place I am volunteering at is a malnutrition center. There are so many different people that come together to make the center function. However, I thought you might want to know what my job is here. I have many different tasks that fill my daily life at the center. In between all my other tasks, my absolute favorite of course, is cuddling and playing with the babies. I also have my online classes through Concordia that I have to keep track of in the midst of it all.

A lot of the things that I am currently doing at the center were added onto my plate after Jenna, our amazingly talented communications coordinator, moved back to Canada. She was one of my first friends when I came to Haiti so I really miss her as a friend but I also miss all of the work she did for the center.

It is important to track the progress the babies make. One of the ways we do this is to compare photos taken of them at admission, to photos when they enter the outpatient program or when they discharge and no longer live under our roof. For each of these steps a baby takes at the center, I am the one that takes the photos of baby and mamma. I love this because I get to greet each new baby who enters our program right away. This may sound easy, but imagine trying to tell people how and where to stand when they speak another language. We use a lot of sign language! I also help with intake by setting the baby up with all the supplies they need in the center, such as clothes that fit, a bottle, mamba bowl, and ID band.

One of the office tasks that I have been working on is going through every single dossier which has all the information on each child in our program. I have been transferring information from each one into a spreadsheet so that we can look at the data as a big picture. This job was a challenge to begin with because the dossiers are in Creole! I am thankful for a translator app on my phone and the people around me who help. Through this task, I have learned a lot about the lives of Haitians who struggle with malnutrition, and I have also learned some Creole in the process.

In addition to the pictures, one of the other jobs that I acquired after Jenna leaving, is writing email updates for donors for middle ground, and writing weekly social media posts. I am actually writing these for the first time this week since Jenna continued to do some things even from abroad to make for an easier adjustment.

My favorite part of each day is when I go see the babies who are in our care to love on them and play for a little bit. It is honestly amazing to see the personalities of these babies just blossom as they grow and become healthier through our program. The video below is one of my favorite moments playing with this little cutie who was actually the first baby I bonded with when I visited Middle Ground last Decemeber.

 

 

As sometimes happens, she went home last year and did not thrive as much as hoped so she was readmitted during my third week here. When she first arrived she would cry if I even walked in the room because according to her mom, she was scared of white people. This was definitely something new for me and hard since I wanted to immediately love on her. I had thought I would never see her again. Now though, we are buddies and she actually cries when I put her down to leave the room. She is now healthy and actually able to go home within the next week which is so exciting but I can’t help but be a little sad that I won’t be able to play with her, hear that little giggle, and look at this contagious smile every day.

With all of these different tasks my days are absolutely filled but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love the work that I am doing here and cannot believe that it has already almost been 2 months, or in other words, half of my stay in Haiti!

In my last post I wrote about cultural differences between Haiti and the United States. In my opinion, one of the most important cultural differences that I spoke of was yawning. In Haiti, when someone yawns they are asked if they are hungry. People are constantly hungry here, and hunger makes you tired. Malnutrition is infused in the culture of Haiti and this is why malnutrition centers such as Middle Ground are so so important.

Up to this point, I have been sharing small moments from my time at Middle Ground, but I don’t think I have really emphasized the importance of it’s existance. The mission of Middle Ground is to provide malnutrition treatment, caregiver education, and ongoing stability.  I strongly believe that these three factors are the way to eliminate the threat of malnutrition in families now, and in the future.

As stated on their website, Middle Ground has “a dream to see parents and caregivers empowered to care for their children, to see children living in the homes of their birth, and to see whole families thriving together.”

This is the poster that is hanging in the center as a backdrop for before and after pictures of babies. I think that these Toby Mac lyrics speak to the mission of Middle Ground in the best way possible. Through the love and guidence of God, this place is able to help heal the brokenness that cripples so many Haitian families by speaking LIFE.

Within the center there are many different programs that aim to provide support for families. The programs for babies are inpatient care, outpatient care, formula, and NICU. There are also programs aimed toward caregivers and parents, such as agriculture classes, health education, counceling and spiritual health, and business classes. Lastly, we have programs for children who are now healthy which make sure that this health is sustained. These programs are school sponsorship and follow-up. All of these programs together make for a busy and lively center often filled with people who want to provide for their families in the best way possible.

The greatest skill that Middle Ground can provide for families, is knowledge. Knowledge of what malnutrition is and how to prevent it helps families stay together and thrive as one unit instead of having to seperate.

Middle Ground teaches parents or caregivers how to identify the signs of malnutrition and that there are two main types. One type is Marasmus which is when body fat and tissues degenerate. The second type is Kwashiorkor which is characterized by fluid retention. This type actually makes babies look plump which could be why, unless you know what to look for, it can go unnoticed. Another common characteristic that is less known is dry and red hair. The pictures below are more obvious examples of each type that have come to the center.

As you can probably tell by the quick and lengthy update, this center has truly brought a new passion to light in my life. I look up to the work that they are doing and am beyond proud to be apart of it. As always, I appreciate the donations that allow me to give my time and energy to assist Middle Ground in their mission. I’m currently feeling a little poor, so if you’ve been thinking about it, now’s a good time to donate. I also have the link to Middle Ground on my blog so that you can learn more about this amazing organization and donate if you feel so moved.

When someone yawns in the States what is the immediate assumption? It’s that they are tired due to lack of sleep, right? Well in Haiti there is a different way of thought. When someone yawns they are asked if they are hungry. Because so many people are constantly hungry here, and when you are hungry you don’t have as much energy so you yawn in exhaustion. This, I think, is one of the biggest examples of how malnutrition is infused in the culture of Haiti.

This past week I have focused a lot more on cultural differences and how they come from a lack of resources. For instance, Americans are often told that they eat way too fast here. Why? Because we eat for the taste where as Haitians eat to be full. The slower you eat, the more full you feel along the way.

Another difference in culture is planning ahead. I have found that often times it does not exist. Things such as moving, planning a wedding, or making other major life decisions are often done as spur of the moment things. I really don’t have an explanation for this one, it’s just the way it seems to be in Haiti, I’ve noticed. For example, I have a Haitian friend who told us 2 weeks ago that he will be moving to Brazil next week. This isn’t for a quick trip. He will be living there for 3 years to go to school. This is the type of decision that would take me a year to plan! But it is more normal here for such a decision to be made quickly.

With decisions being made so quickly, you would think life moves faster here. But no, I often do not know what day it is. Time feels almost irrelevant and people are often late to things as everyone is moving to their own schedule. Even for church! I noticed this because I have been going to an english speaking church down in PAP on Sundays and 2 weeks ago we were running VERY late. I obviously was nervous and thinking that we would miss the whole sermon but my friends told me not to worry because church often starts as much as 20 minutes late anyways. WHAT?? This was the craziest thought to me, but sure enough. We showed up 40 minutes late and they were still doing the beginning worship songs. I guess this just shows that island time is a very real thing. I am honestly growing to appreciate this though, as I learn to take in more of my surroundings such as this beautiful view from the other night.

Learning to adjust to all of these cultural differences has been something I have had to work on. Especially being okay with being late to things which was very hard for me. But even if they are sometimes late, or making fast decisions, the Haitian people work harder than I have ever seen. Maybe this is because they need to work hard in order to feed their families. Either way though, the fact that I am now used to seeing pregnant women walking up the mountain with several pounds of something in a basket on their head should be enough to prove that this country is nonstop.

Speaking of work, I’m working hard at the center, but its all volunteer.  If you feel so moved, click on “support” above and help support the work I am doing at the malnutrition center.

I have now been in Haiti for a couple weeks and I did not expect to be impacted so much in such a short period of time. We have all been working hard, nonstop, at the center. Setting up and preparing for the regular schedule to resume is not a small task. In the midst of all of this chaos, the last thing that we were expecting was an emergency baby to arrive.

Last Thursday, in the middle of the night, a very dedicated ambulance service called “Hero” brought us baby D. If you follow Middle Ground on Facebook, you have likely heard about this little guy who fought harder than I could possibly imagine. Born 10 weeks early, baby D was brought to us in need of a CPAP machine. We were in no way ready for a baby, but no hospitals in Port au Prince had available space. So, we cleared a spot in the clutter of a room and welcomed this little guy and his momma into the center.

Pictured to the left is the space we cleared for baby D, in the middle of all of our bins that still needed to be moved into their designated rooms. We prepared this space as quickly as we could and continued to work in it for several more days since the rest of the center was not ready.

And here is baby D who weighed only 1.15 kg when he arrived. Throughout his time on earth, this little body fought more than many will in a life time. He lived past what even the nurses thought possible.

One night, we lost power in the center and we thought we had lost him as the CPAP machine shut down. However, his sweet and incredibly strong momma sang to him and loved on him throughout it all. One of the nurses who watched this happen said it was a 100% God given miracle that he made it through that night with the power of his mom’s love. The past 5 days with baby D have truly impacted me. The love and strength of his mom is so inspiring and I can not even imagine her pain. God blessed her with so much strength and passion.

There were so many wonderful nurses and medical personnel who worked day and night to keep baby D alive and comfortable as he went through countless episodes and complications. He truly received the best care possible. In addition, there was a number of other individuals who loved on the momma as she road the emotional rollercoaster this past week. I have learned so much from all of these people as they showed incredible amounts of love to a woman and her baby during their time at Middle Ground. I have never been so proud to be a part of a group of people.

Baby D passed away yesterday morning and as much as we mourn this little guy, we are grateful that he is now in heaven with Jesus, feeling no pain.

I have added a link to Middle Ground’s website above, if you would like to read more about them. I also have a link for “support” above, which helps cover my personal stay here at Middle Ground.

Today marks my being in Haiti for one whole week. It feels like it has been a whole month and only one day, at the same time. There has been so much leading up to this trip. Now that I am here though, I honestly just feel at home. Haiti is an absolutely amazing place with incredible people who I have become very close with in such a short time.

My first glance of Haiti was when I stepped off the plane into a beautiful sunny day. I was then greeted by a band playing music that released any tension that I may have been feeling. Below is the video I took of the band I heard while entering the airport.

Even waiting in the line through customs I met an American man who lived in Haiti for over 20 years and randomly gave me incredible advise for my trip that had quite a great impact. He said…

My time in Haiti should be looked at like legos. When you get a new box of legos, you automatically read the instructions and try to build the perfect structure, like the one in the picture on the box, right? But what happens when you’re done? You don’t just sit with this perfect creation forever. They get knocked down over and over while you keep rebuilding different things with the pieces. So, look at those legos as your vocation or path that you choose in life. Do not glue your legos together and call it good because they will be knocked down over and over. It matters that you rebuild to whats best for you. Not that you create the picture that everyone expects which is seen on the box. After all, only God knows the true path that you will take.

This advise came out of nowhere and meant so much because as I start this new journey, I need to take the time to soak it all in and figure out the best way that my legos may fall into place (at least for the time being). After all, my time here is all about learning and growing in Christ.

My days are now filled with unpacking at middle ground’s new location, and organizing rooms so that we can prepare to resume daily programming as soon as possible. I absolutely love the environment that I am working in, even with the chaos of the move. The ladies that I have been working alongside and learning from are so talented and fun to be around. There is never a dull moment.

Living behind Rhyan’s house is an absolute blessing because coming home to her kids Annabelle, Henry, and Della every day makes me feel like I’m coming HOME. Walking into the house each day, I am bombarded with the kiddos wanting to play or be picked up for lots of hugs and I am more than willing to give them! It is so nice to have this family atmosphere even though I am away from my own family.

Once again, I would just like to say thank you so much to those of you who have supported me in prayer and donations. I could not be here without you. The link above will bring you to my financial support page if you’re so inclined.

She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25

5 days to go!  As I’m reaching the final few days before I leave for Haiti there are so many feelings being processed. For weeks, I have been saying goodbyes that I refuse to call real “goodbyes.” I do not think that any of it has, or will, really hit me until I am on the plane flying toward my new home for the next 4 months. It may not seem like a long time to some, but I have never been away from all of my family and friends for that long! Even going to college, I had my brother there!

One of the things that I feel I need to say at this time is thank you for the prayers and donations. I can not begin to explain how gratetful I am, and I would not even be getting on the plane without these. I feel so very blessed and loved!

Looking toward my stay in Haiti is easy, as I am beyond excited. It has actually been more difficult for me to think of all of the people I will miss from the states throughout my time gone, and all of the things that will change.

The biggest visual example of change that I can think of right now is our new puppy Maisie! We just brought her home yesterday and right now she weighs 15 pounds making her a big baby. However, by the time I return she will likely weigh 50 pounds. All of the change in the world is according to God’s plan, so I take comfort in that as I think of the inevitable changes that will occur while I’m gone.

I know I’ll change as well. I look forward to many things, from learning the administrative side of running a mission to helping many babies brush their teeth in the morning!  In the meantime, I can be found packing and studying Creole.

The countdown is on.

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”. Jeremiah 29:11

Bondye se Bon! (God is good!)

 

 

 

 

There have been many ups and downs involved in preparing for my trip to Haiti.

When I heard about the unrest in Haiti, it did more than just make me stop and pause in prayer for the people. It made me realize that this trip is at risk and all that I could do about that was pray and wait. All I could do was let go and let God. This is not a foreign concept to me but at the same time, it is the hardest thing I could possibly do. All that I have been thinking about is the next four months of my life and it seemed like all the planning was coming to a screeching halt.  In response to the unrest in Haiti, the country was put on a level 4 travel ban.  Missionaries were getting stranded, Americans were being sent home, and some paid thousands of dollars to get private helicopters to escape.

As quickly as it all happened, the storm shifted again.  The leaders resigned, the people rested, and the travel ban was lifted. My heart is still racing a little bit, but this is what I know: Haiti is not going to be peaceful, calm, and safe all the time. My hosts have the ability to come into the airport and get me before I have to walk out into the chaos. I won’t be alone. The home I live in will be with people I know and love.

This is why I am not afraid of the place that I will be going. I know that these are likely going to be the hardest months in my entire life but I also know that I will grow more than I can possibly imagine.

Throughout my last two weeks in the US, I plan on focusing my mind on what I can control. As always, I invite you to come along side me with your prayers. There is a “support” button at the top of this page if you would like to offer financial support as well.

 

Only four months to go, and I will be in Haiti!

Cuddling with soft little ones, feeling their heartbeats slow as they relax into sleep, smooching on them as they giggle, and rocking them in your lap. These are the most rewarding things you can experience while spending time with the babies who have seen more pain in their tiny lives through malnutrition, than some people ever will. While in Haiti over Christmas, I spent a lot of time getting to know the little sweetheart pictured below.

When we first arrived at the center, I immediately began bonding with this baby girl, and spent all day playing with her in my arms. At first, she was very mellow and did not smile or respond much to things around her. Throughout our few days there though, she grew into a talkative little angel who loved to giggle and play with my hair. It was the most amazing blessing just to see how, as she became healthy with the treatments of the center, she blossomed with joy as well. She is now back home with her parents, but I will always remember her glow and the immense impact she had on my heart in such a short span of time. This bond formed so quickly, and I cannot imagine what will happen within four months.

This new form of joy and love found through caring for these babies is the most amazing feeling, and something I am not sure how to describe. But with this happiness, comes so much sorrow due to the famine and poverty that is so evident in Haiti. I do tend to fall in love with babies, and I know it is going to be hard to send babies back to their parents even though it will be with great hope for their future with their family.

It will be even more difficult to send them to their Heavenly Father. I know it is a reality. Even though I know they will be wrapped in love in the most wonderful peace of heaven, I’m sure the depth of my sorrow will be great and I ask God to give me comfort and strength.  I don’t know how to prepare for this part of the journey, I just know I’m going to need to depend on my Lord.

If you would like to support my journey, please pray along with me as I prepare my heart these last four months.  You can also click on the “support” tab at the top of this page to assist financially.